No. 40. How to do it all
Hint: it takes a village
This issue title is strategically phrased, because we’ll talk about how to do it all, but the truth is you won’t be able to do it all.
Allow me to explain: you know the phrase, “it takes a village”? Well, it’s true, especially if you have kids, but that’s not how most of us live today. Especially as women who work outside the home and/or moms, we often have this tendency and an independent streak to strive to do it all on our own.
But almost all the women I’ve met and heard from who are successful in their work and have a strong home life & family, will tell you this first: you need to ask for help - unpaid help from family and friends and/or outsourcing to paid help.
A recent poll of 400 women who identified as managers, directors, VPs, C-suite executives, or founders found that nearly two-thirds of working women in the U.S. with at least one direct report pay for some type of hired help (e.g., childcare, cleaning services, personal trainers, grocery delivery services, etc.) with an average monthly cost of $500 per month. At the VP and C-suite level, that jumps to 75% of women having paid help.
With the rise of remote work options, sometimes, especially as moms, it’s tempting to think we can skimp on childcare. But coming from someone who has had to try to juggle a baby and full-time work (and my husband also works from home!) - it is possible to be a full-time working mom without childcare but not sustainable long term. You end up running back and forth between being a mom and an employee and eventually it will burn you out in both areas.
But even with full-time childcare, here is what a working mom’s life often looks like: you get the kids up, fed and drop them off at daycare. Then, assuming you go into the office and work a truly 40 hour work week, you’re at work until 5:00, pick up the kids, eat dinner, and then put the kids to bed. In the evening you do the dishes, maybe catch up on emails, tidy up and then go to bed yourself. Which means weekends become the catch all of chores, errands and house projects.
And you realize that life just goes by like that and you have so little time for things you say matter to you like quality time with your kids, friendships, your marriage, community, volunteering, that novel you always wanted to write or the garden you dream of planting.
I recognize that affording paid help, whether that’s childcare or house cleaning or even grocery delivery, is a privilege. Depending on your income and budget, it may take some strategic moves to be able to make room in your household budget to afford help.
You may even have to find ways to increase your income, whether that’s a new job, promotion, passive income or a side hustle. If that’s you, I’m glad you’re here because I’m working on a resource to help you elevate your work with a blueprint on how to get paid more and get promoted in the corporate world.
The practical takeaway: Consider one area of your life that you can either outsource in this season.
Before you jump to “I can’t afford that” or “How much is that going to cost?”, consider what matters more to you in this season:
What do you wish you had more time for?
What do you regret not spending enough time on?
Do you want more time with your family?
A weekly date night with your husband?
Time for a hobby?
Or maybe you just need to find time to take a nap and rest.
When you name that one thing, figure out what you need to give up or outsource in your life to make room for that one thing:
Can you hire a cleaning company to come in once a month to deep clean your bathrooms and free you up for Saturday morning outing with your family?
Can you pay a sitter to watch your kids for a few hours on the weekend to give you time to work on that side hustle or hobby you’ve been dreaming about?
Can you find people in your community to barter or partner with?
Is there another mom you can swap childcare with so each of you gets some free time?
Can your spouse take on some of the cleaning or household tasks that you normally do?
Can your kids help you plant the garden together?
Our time is valuable, but too often, we don’t know how to truly value it. So, we try to do it all, when really, not all of is worth our time, and sometimes, it means giving something up or asking someone to help in order to focus on all that truly actually matters at the end of the day.
P.S. If you’re single (or married but don’t yet have kids) and reading this, a word of advice? Start elevating your career today for the life you want tomorrow.
By that, I mean: if you want to work and start a family someday, you’ll need a job that makes more than the cost of childcare (for one child, you can expect to pay anywhere from $200 to $700 per week in child care).
So, to the extent you can start increasing your pay now, the better off your future self and family will be to have the flexibility to afford good childcare (whether that’s babysitters, a nanny or daycare).
P.S. How women can better excel in the corporate world is a passion of mine. I’m currently working on an online course on this topic, so if any of this resonated with you, come join the wait list to be the first to hear when the course is ready!
This week’s favorites
>> How to actually get your partner's help: Help them see the ocean (Blog Post) // I love this blog post on writing out the “invisible” work we as women often do at home and for our families. This goes with today's newsletter topic because once you list out all that you actually do and what takes up your mental energy, you can choose what to ask for help on, whether that's from a spouse, hiring a household manager, a cleaning company, or even automating certain things to do on autopilot.
>> Old Fashioned On Purpose: What's the Best Business for YOUR Homestead (Podcast) // Okay, so technically, this podcast is for people who want to homestead, but I found this episode to be super helpful for women who want to build up a portfolio life. If you're looking for additional revenue streams but not sure what to do, this episode provides high level ideas and pros/cons of various income streams. Highly recommend!