No. 58. One year into motherhood
44 things I’ve learned in my first year of motherhood
As we celebrate Levi turning one this month, I’ve been reflecting on the last year and what it’s been like to become a mom for me. I could say a lot about this journey, but to keep this a reasonable length, I wanted to share 44 things I’ve learned in my first year of motherhood:
Motherhood is dying to self daily. It’s putting someone else’s needs above your own - not begrudgingly, but with kindness. It’s a literal pouring out of yourself, your strength, your energy and all that you have.
You learn to do a lot of things one handed.
What works for other babies (and moms!) may not work for your baby.
Rest looks different in this season of motherhood, but you need to rest regularly to show up at your best for your family.
It is worth investing your time into what will fill your cup. You are the investment.
You get really efficient at getting things done in a short bursts of time.
Prayer is your fuel. God may not give you the answer you’re wanting, but He will hear your prayer and give you strength to make it through the hard days.
This too shall pass - the good and the hard.
You need to ask for time and space for yourself. To give the baby to someone you trust, leave the house and go do something that makes you feel like you. Even an hour like this is transformative.
Time outdoors renews you and baby too.
Speak up and ask for what you need help with to be the best mom and wife you can be. You’re not meant to do this alone. It truly does take a village.
Quiet time and Bible study will look different now, and that’s okay.
Give your husband grace. He’s adjusting to becoming a dad too. This shift into parenthood is just as challenging for him. Communicate what each of you is going through and be a support system for him too.
Let your husband develop his own relationship with the baby - he doesn’t have to do things exactly how you do them. As long as you align on the important parts of your parenting approach, give him room to grow into the kind of dad he’s going to be.
Do what you need to do to prioritize intimacy in your marriage during this season. This e-book is a great read on the topic of parenthood and intimacy.
Baby sleep isn’t linear and it looks different for each baby and at each stage of their development. Learn about wake windows and sleep cues. Co-sleep, sleep train, baby wear, or all of the above - do what works best for you, your baby and your family. On that note, you will sleep through the night again - it just might take awhile.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says about your parenting decisions - you and your spouse know your baby best. God chose you to be the parents of this child for a purpose.
Buy a baby wrap (I loved the Solly wrap!) and use it often. It keeps your hands free and your baby close, especially in those first few months.
Give yourself grace. This is all new for you too. No one is expecting you to know it all or be perfect at all the things.
Just because someone portrays motherhood one way on social media does not make that your standard for motherhood.
You are your baby’s safe place as they’re learning to live outside of you in this big new world. They’ll need you a lot, and on some days, it will feel like too much, but be kind to your child anyway.
Making time to move your body, going outside and eating nourishing foods will help you show up at your best for yourself and your family.
Find other moms in similar seasons who you trust and can talk with. It helps to know you’re not alone in what you’re feeling and going through.
Take videos of the everyday moments that you want to remember. Back up your videos to the cloud.
God chose you to be this child’s mother and He does not make mistakes, which means you are the best choice to raise this child.
Finding reliable, trustworthy childcare can be hard and expensive. Pray about it - God will provide that too.
You have changed - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Stop trying to go back to who you used to be pre-pregnancy. Embrace this growth - there is so much beauty and potential here!
Buy jeans and clothes in a bigger size instead of trying to squeeze into your pre-pregnancy clothes.
You don’t have to “bounce” back to your pre-pregnancy weight ASAP (or ever!). Make healthy choices, but don’t chase what used to be.
Learn to dress your “new” body in a way that makes you feel beautiful and comfortable. This is a worthwhile investment.
Put your phone down and look into your baby’s eyes. They know when we’re distracted.
Babies pick up on our emotions. If you’re anxious, the baby will be anxious too. So, when you need to, find your peace and then go pick up the baby.
Time flies, it really does. It’s cliche because it’s true: the days are long, but the years are short.
When a child is born, so is a mother. You are still you, but also someone entirely new.
In time, you’ll feel like “you” again.
Embrace the slowness of the newborn phase.
It’s okay if your priorities shift - if the things that used to matter to you no longer do or if you have to lay down something for a season in order to make room for something new. New growth means wedding out some of the old.
Walking counts as exercise. But strength training is also pretty life changing - the little by little adds up and helps so much with managing anxiety and having more energy.
Being “triggered” in motherhood is a real thing - especially if you struggle with anxiety, but it doesn’t make you a bad mom.
Nursing can take time to figure out, and although sometimes it feels like it “ties you down” if your baby only wants you and won’t take a bottle, it is an amazing and worthwhile experience. There is also no shame or guilt for supplementing with formula.
You can do hard things. More than you ever thought you were capable of.
Prayerfully choose what works best for your family and stand by it: let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, adding anything else into it - like what you think you “should” be doing or what someone else says you “should” do - only leads to discontentment.
Mom guilt is a real thing, especially for working moms. Here’s how I’m dealing with it.
Hold schedules and expectations of how things should be and when they should happen loosely. This applies to daily schedules, nap times, and even the timing of when your baby meets each developmental milestone.
For a more personal (and longer) essay on my top three takeaways from one year into motherhood, visit my blog.
If you’re a mom, what lessons did you learn your first year of motherhood?