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This was very powerful and resonated a lot. You weren’t alone crying on the stairs. We’ve been there

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I relate so much to this! My anxiety went through the roof postpartum, and I've had to totally relearn what "normal" is to get to a healthy place, as I didn't realize I'd always been kind of anxious.

Another thing that struck me reading this...have you heard of Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)? You sound like you may have some sensitivities that could put you into this group. It was so helpful for me to learn what this was, that I am one, and that I'm not crazy! https://hsperson.com

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I have not heard of HSPs - going to look into it now :)

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Your Substack just came across my feed and your most recent article caught my attention as I am a mother of littles in Indy! Anyway, in that post you mentioned anxiety and I clicked the link that brought me here and almost every part of your story sounded like what I could have written. My first panic attack was also in 2018 when I was a new mom and for the first time in my adult life was living a much quieter life with less tangible achievements. I had no idea how much my worth was tied up in my work. Refinement is painful, isn’t it? Though I’m thankful for trials that bring us to the feet of our Savior.

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Right!? Like I would have never thought that slowing down and doing less work would mean more anxiety! I started to go to therapy then because I realized there was a lot I had to untangle in how I viewed my worth and identity and separating that from my work and accomplishments.

Also, if you don't already have a membership to connor prairie, highly recommend it for moms with kids. Best investment - we lived down the road from there and would go there so often (great idea for a gift from grandparents or family - to pay for a one year membership for y'all!).

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Such a nice piece, Yelena! Exercise for me postpartum was crucial. I run 5 days a week (haven’t missed a week for 14 years) and I truly believe it keeps the anxiety manageable. Also, I now believe I am a HSP and only learned what it was through Substack. This is a great community! 💛

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That's an amazing habit! I've done running on and off over the years and always felt so good after a good run - may need to bring that back into my life once I'm out of the postpartum haze.

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