No. 78. On my mind lately + some personal news!

Seeking wisdom and steadfastness in pregnancy and the shifts of motherhood

Hi, friend! APL is a newsletter about aspiring to live out the Proverbs 31 lifestyle by building an enduring family legacy & generational wealth. For more on the topic of women & work, check out my Elevate Blueprint! To download our Family Legacy Guide, click here.

It’s been a few months since my last newsletter, which was intentional, but not necessarily planned.

Summer was a whirlwind for our family - more surviving than thriving: my husband was traveling a lot for work, I started a new job, and I had pretty rough morning sickness for four months.

We are expecting our second baby next spring, but we didn’t really share the news until a few months in, mostly because we wanted to tell our families in person and October was the earliest that we could do that (we live in Indiana and our family is in Missouri).

It was strange to go through nearly half of the pregnancy with almost no one knowing we’re expecting, but it also felt like a good thing for my own mental health.

Because as grateful as I am to be able to have healthy pregnancies thus far, pregnancy has been hard on me physically, mentally and emotionally. And letting in other people’s opinions or experiences into my mind often makes things more difficult.

Between the morning sickness and fatigue the first half, and gaining 45-60 pounds of weight, it feels like nine months of discomfort - like my body is foreign to me.

This time around feels even harder. I was 20-25 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight when I got pregnant the second time, and based on how difficult that postpartum and newborn season was for me the first time, I expect that physical, emotional, and mental heaviness and struggle will last beyond the nine months of pregnancy. It’s a lot to carry.

But I do also see and recognize the beauty and privilege of pregnancy and postpartum. Feeling the baby move. Realizing God is knitting a human being inside of you. Finally meeting the human whose heart was beating under yours for nine months. Seeing them grow into little humans. And so much more.

It is all worth it, truly. And I am so grateful to raise another boy, God willing.

But I want to share where I’m at in this season - the good and the hard.

Pregnancy, postpartum, and even motherhood are each a season, each with it’s own tension, growth and beauty.

Each season shapes and changes us, and we emerge out of each season a little more different than who we were before.

The shifts can be subtle, but they can also be obvious and abrupt: in our bodies, priorities, thoughts, relationships, prayers, work, routines.

It can be difficult to not compare to previous seasons though; to accept that you’re different - not quite who you were, but also not quite sure who you are now.

The shifts, changes, uncertainty, and anxiety have me feeling like I’m on unsettled ground, and so I’m trying to get back to what matters most: being fully present with my family, time in prayer, meditating on Scripture, and overall just trying to take the pressure off myself to do and accomplish all the things.

In this season, James 1 has been the passage that’s been coming up for me over and over.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways…

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. -James 1:2-8; 12

This passage is all about change.

It’s about embracing the shifts to find the steadfastness in the unstableness under your feet.

To me, there are two key themes:

First, letting the trial - the change - do it’s thing; to have its full effect. It’s letting the wave take you along for the ride instead of fighting the wave or running away from its impact. Because that’s how you find steadfastness; the unchanging, solid ground amidst all the shifts. And that can be so hard to do because it feels a lot like giving up control.

Second, ask for wisdom and believe you’ve received it. Wisdom is the application of knowledge and experience. It’s knowing what to do in a certain situation; how to navigate the changes and shifts.

But the thing about that is it is rarely a step by step plan, but more of trusting that you’re doing the next right thing even when the future is still uncertain and the ground around you is still shaky. It’s walking by faith, not by sight (this episode of Risen Motherhood podcast on feeling like you need more wisdom is a good listen!)

Part of this for me has been trying to silence the noise around me - especially from social media and others’ opinions and life choices, and letting myself be still and quiet to process things.

This is also a large reason why I’ve been sharing and writing less online lately. The shifts and changes in my life lately have felt swift and overwhelming, and to be honest, I’m still in the beginning stages of processing things.

So, that’s where I am now, and it truly does feel good to be showing up here again, even it may not be on a weekly basis going forward.

God willing, we’re hoping to celebrate Thanksgiving with family next week, and then I will try to be back in your inbox at the end of November with a round up of photos & other things on my mind lately.

Until next time,

YPS