No. 68. Finding joy in motherhood
Five ways to get out of a rut & limit overwhelm
It took me a while to enjoy becoming a mom. The first few months postpartum were really difficult for me. I don’t think I had postpartum depression or anxiety, it was just a lot of change and Levi cried a lot as a newborn. I wondered why people wanted to do this multiple times. How some women said they loved being mothers. Because initially, I didn’t.
Don’t get me wrong: I loved our baby boy from the moment he was born. It’s a love that I can’t explain and honestly, it’s what fueled me on the hardest days. That love helped me be kind and extend grace towards the baby that wouldn’t stop screaming no matter what I did.
And there were moments of awe and joy, but they felt rare in comparison to the harder moments. It took awhile, but here are some of the shifts and practices that have helped me find joy in motherhood over the last year:
Let go of the “old” and embrace the “new” you
They say that when a child is born, so is a mother, and I feel that to my bones. Becoming a mom transformed me - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am still me, but also someone new.
Initially, I kept waiting for life to go back to “normal” and wondering when I’d feel like myself again. But now I’m learning that I must adjust to a new normal. That I can’t go back to who I used to be.
Embracing the change and shifts brought me so much freedom. It was like all of a sudden, I had all this room to grow into, instead of trying to fit into a space that no longer fit me.
But the moment I try to compare my pre-baby life to my current season, the joy begins to dissipate. So, keep your mind and heart where your feet are. Find the joy here, not in how things used to be.
Figure out the root
On the days when it’s hard to find joy in motherhood, I have to take a pause and diagnose: What is the root of my discontent? What’s blocking the joy? Is it stress? Overwhelm? Uncertainty? Being touched out? Spending too much time on social media looking at how others are living and mothering?
Because honestly, in my limited experience thus far, the majority of the time, motherhood begins to feel like a burden when I’m overwhelmed with too many things on my plate and in my mind. As Val Woerner, “Our kids will always be in the way if I’m doing more than what God has called me to do.”
Once I figure out the root, I can find a solution.
If it’s being too overstimulated or touched out, I can ask for space to be alone.
If I have said yes to too much, I can shift things around on my schedule or quit something.
If I have spent too much time looking at others, I’ll put away my phone and delete the Instagram app for a few days.
If I haven’t been taking care of myself physically, mentally, or spiritually, I’ll try to prioritize that again so I have the capacity and energy to show up fully as a wife, mom, friend, employee, etc.
Be fully present and notice the joy
One of my favorite online mamas that I follow is Alex from Love Daphne Mae, because she talks about the magically mundane - “the in-between, the daily rhythms, the seemingly unimportant moments that really all stack up to create a life.” The feel of your child on your hip. Their little hand in yours. His giggles. His awe when he discovers something new.
Stopping to acknowledge that each of these seemingly ordinary moments is joy transforms motherhood. Think of it as capturing a photograph in your mind and storing it for later (but also don’t forget to take actual photos and videos of these small moments). It’s a reminder that this season is good, even when it is often hard. That this child is mine. These little pauses help center my mind and remind me that motherhood is a season to enjoy, not endure / survive.
Take care of yourself
At the beginning of this year, I started trying to work out 3-4 times a week for 30 minutes with weights and try to take one walk a day. I’ve had some off weeks, but overall, it’s the most consistent I’ve been with working out in a long time.
Although physically my weight hasn’t changed that much, I see such a major change mentally and emotionally when I am consistent in getting movement. Primarily, it’s helped a lot with my anxiety and it really does help me show up better as a wife and mom, because if I skip a few days of movement, my energy plummets and my anxiety peaks so fast!
I’ve also been trying to be better about asking for a few hours to go do something alone that brings me joy - usually a morning spent at a coffee shop writing and creating. Because so often, we as women neglect the most important investment - the one that determines every part of our lives.
Set up systems in your home
Personally, I do so much better when my home is tidy and running smoothly. This year, I’ve tried to be more intentional about having a cleaning schedule / rhythm, where we focus on different chores each day, and it’s helped so much to free up my mind from keeping an unending to-do list and keeps our home tidy. I’ve also been trying to be more intentional with throwing away stuff that we don’t use regularly or feels like clutter.
But this also applies beyond just the home. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” And it is so true. Set up systems in your inbox, with your schedule and to-do list, how you dress, and in any other area of your life that may cause you to get overwhelmed or get too overcrowded.
// Becoming a mom has been a big shift for me, and one of the biggest things I’ve had to learn is to find joy and beauty in all the changes and in the hard. It’s still a new season for me, but if you’re a fellow new mama, I hope this encourages you. And if you’re not yet a mama, I think all of this applies to any shift in seasons or life changes!
Until next time,
YPS
P.S. This book is a good one to read on this topic!
Got 30 seconds? I’d love to get your thoughts on what should I write about next & what you wish more women would talk about today!
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I listened to this podcast episode on my commute to work last week and it felt like sitting in on a conversation between friends - so many good nuggets and reminders, especially for working moms!
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Thank you for sharing this so openly and vulnerably. It's hard being a mom and having everyone coming to you all the time to get their needs met. One thing I do is keep earplugs in various rooms and when I feel myself getting overstimulated I put them in and instantly it calms me down. I can still hear my kids but it mutes the impact.
Also I 10000% agree about systems in the home! I write about this because domestic systems occupy so much of my brain....I think often we don't realize that if a problem keeps popping up it's because a system is needed. It doesn't have to be YOUR job to solve over and over...it needs a system and then everyone can help.