Is Ballerina Farm setting unrealistic standards for women?

My thoughts on recent influencer news + how I deal with envy & comparison

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Like most of the internet, seeing Hannah from Ballerina Farm do a beauty pageant less than two weeks after having her eighth baby has been on my mind lately.

If you scroll through the comments on Hannah’s reels, you’ll see generally two types of commenters:

The fans who applaud her for doing something like this so soon after having a baby + that having kids does not mean your life is over

vs. others who say this is not normal and women need more time to recover, heal and bond with their baby, so Hannah is setting an unrealistic standard for new moms (or making moms feel worse about themselves for not jumping back to normal life so fast postpartum). 

Image via Ballerina Farm Instagram.

Personally, I’ve been going back and forth between both camps because I think each side has valid points.

One one hand, I had a challenging postpartum season with my first son, but on the other hand, I am also working towards and praying for a better postpartum season with my second baby this spring and seeing other women thrive in postpartum gives me hope.

Years ago, I heard someone say that if you feel envy at seeing someone else’s accomplishments, it could indicate that deep inside, it is what you want too. 

Or if you’re quick to judge someone on something, it may be connected to a weakness or insecurity in yourself.

It’s true for me. I look at Hannah’s stories and wish I looked as good and was as energetic pregnant and postpartum! We’d love to have a ranch of our own to raise our family on. I wish I could do motherhood so effortlessly, while also running a successful business. 

But the only person telling me that Hannah is the standard to strive towards is me. 

Because influencers rarely tell you that you must live your life the way they do. Instead, it is usually my own expectations or insecurities that make me feel like I must be like her or make the same choices. 

I admire Hannah and her life. Yes, she portrays a highlight reel on her social media, and it is an appealing one (probably why she has almost 9 MILLION followers on IG alone!). But she’s just showing her life, so when I scroll through my stories and something I see makes me think I must also be like her, I have to stop and check myself. 

The stumbling block is often within me, not in someone else. 

For example, Hannah isn’t telling her followers to do a pageant two weeks postpartum. I doubt she chose her due date to time things this way, and this wasn’t her story every other time she gave birth. 

Yet, we see her do this and think that we should rise to a similar standard.

We put that expectation on ourselves, and when we fall short of that, we start to feel discontent in who we are and what we have. We get insecure or judge that she’s setting unrealistic standards for women. 

I know I do this. I look at the choices someone else is making and think I should be doing that too. Isn’t that exactly the result of an influencer? They make you want what they have. 

But it’s okay if your story is different. If your recovery postpartum takes longer, whether by choice or not. 

It’s also okay if you’re like Hannah and maybe don’t need as much recovery time postpartum. Or maybe your life circumstances don’t allow you a long recovery period: 1 in 4 women in the U.S. go back to work within 10 days of giving birth because they don’t have paid leave and need the income.

Take your eyes off what she’s doing and do what’s best for you and your family. Your plumb line should not be any other human, but God’s word and His will. 

And remember, her living her life that way is not her telling you that you should also be doing what she’s doing. 

Do you truly want what she has? 

I get a lot of inspiration from women I follow online, but sometimes, I apply what someone else is doing blindly when I don’t consider if what she has aligns with what I actually want or need in the season I’m in.

For example, I am inspired by Hannah and other women who make all the sourdough things. And someday, I’d love to learn too. But for the season I’m in right now, it’s not a priority.

So, when I see something in an influencer’s life that I think I should have, I have to check myself: is this what I truly want, i.e., does it align with what matters most to me in the big vision of my life & in the season I’m in?

Take away and apply what aligns with your season and life, but remember, you don’t have to be 100% aligned on all the things, no matter how much you admire her and her life. Not all inspiration has to become aspirational. 

If you do truly want what she has, are you willing to put in the effort to get to where she is? 

This feels especially personal to me in the context of body image.

I often find myself envying other women’s thinner or more fit bodies, but as I watch the work they put in by working out regularly and making intentional eating choices, I am forced to admit that a large reason why I don’t look like that is because I am not as disciplined or committed to working out and eating healthy as other women are.

So, if I’m not willing to put in the work, then how can I expect the same result? 

Similarly, some women spend a lot of money and time on looking young and pretty. I am okay investing in my health and my family’s health on certain things - like food, supplements, exercise - but I am not one to pour thousands of dollars into cosmetic work, facials, waxing, coloring my hair, tanning, etc..

For some women, these are all things they want to invest in, and that’s why they look the way they do. But if I’m not willing to make that investment, I can’t truly compare myself to someone who does make those significant investments into their appearance. 

(Don’t get me wrong - I do spend money on things like facials and hair treatments, but it is rare and I know some women prioritize these things more I do! To each their own :) )

Be inspired by her, but work on maximizing (and being grateful for!) what you have

There are things that no amount of effort on your part can get you what she has.

Let’s stay on the body image train of thought. Some people just have better genes than others. From what I’ve seen of Hannah’s family, they all look good, regardless of age. It runs in the family. Yes, Hannah is a former ballerina and works out regularly and appears to eat healthy and small meals, but having good genes also helps. 

Every one of us also has a unique body shape. My curvy 5’4 body is not going to morph into Hannah’s body shape, no matter how much effort I put in with exercise and food, or how much money I invest into my appearance. 

So, effort can only get you so far in some things. Each of us is born with different strengths and into different circumstances.

God calls us to steward what has been entrusted to each of us - for some, that will be one talent, while for others it will be ten talents. Know your lot and be faithful in that.

Because as lovely as Hannah’s life appears, if I had a chance to switch lives with her, I wouldn’t.

My life isn’t perfect, nor does it align with an influencers IG aesthetic, but it’s mine. I know my body and it’s seen me through a lot. I love my husband and children. I love the family I was born into. I’m grateful for my talents, skills and experiences.

Reminding myself of this is always a good reality check that maybe I truly don’t want what someone else has.

All in all …

Remember, social media doesn’t tell the whole story. People only share what they choose to show the world. Even with as much as Hannah posts, there’s a lot we don’t know and don’t see about her and her family. 

Comparison can breed discontentment and cause us to forget the good in our lives, or it can be used for inspiration and motivation in a way that makes us appreciate the good in our lives, while also inspiring & challenging us to become better. 

But each of us is the gatekeeper that determines how influencers impact our lives and mental health. 

I’ll be honest: there have been times when I’ve had to un-follow certain people online or get off social media entirely, because I couldn’t manage the comparison in a healthy way. So, if that’s what it takes, do that! 

You can’t live out the full potential of what God has in store for you if you’re regularly keeping an eye on other women’s’ highlight reels or trying to keep up with how another woman looks or lives. 

Every minute we spend envying, judging, or watching what an influencer is doing is a minute we’re not fully focusing on what God has called us to steward and grow. That’s costly. It’s a lot of time you can’t get back.

Our phones track how much time we spend looking at other people’s lives online, and checking that stat is always a sharp awakening for me that I am spending too much time watching others; time that can be more fruitfully spent cultivating what is mine. And I’m going to have to answer God for that.

I’ll leave you with this: How different would your life be if you were less influenced by what other women are doing? 

Would you dress differently? Would your house look different? Would you be more content with what you have? How would your goals, dreams and priorities change? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this! Drop a comment below, or if you’re reading in your inbox, just reply to this email.

Until next time,

YPS

This essay is part of a collection of essays in the Led by the Shepherd e-book. Download it here!