How we're setting up our kids for success

If you could listen in on our conversations as a couple this week, this is what you'd hear

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The other evening, my husband and I sat on our back porch after dinner and watched our toddler chase chickens in the backyard. It was one of those rare summer evenings in the Midwest when there was no humidity in the air and you could maybe sort of feel fall in the air.

Like most of our conversations, we shifted to talking about generational wealth and legacy building when my husband posed an interesting question:

When the Bible tells parents to train a child in the way they should go, does that also include setting the child up for success in their work and finances?

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." -Proverbs 22:6 ESV

A lot of times when this passage is taught in church or in Christian circles, it's focused more on the spiritual side, as it should be - setting a child on the path of Truth and salvation is non-negotiable.

But, what if it's more than just telling our children about Jesus and His saving grace?

If you think about what it means to set someone on a path, it doesn't just mean pointing them to the general direction of where they should go. It's making sure that the path they're on will actually lead them to the destination they need to reach, which means knowing their destination. It also means making sure they have the means to get there.

1 John 3:16-18 says that if we have material possessions and see a brother or sister in need, we shouldn't just show love and support with words - we need to show our love and support in actions and in Truth.

So, if you're training a child in the way they should go, that means making sure they're equipped with the tools, knowledge, skills and resources they'll need to make it to their destination, even in old age!

Teaching in word isn't enough to train up our children in the way they should go.

The verb used in Proverbs 22 for "train" (chanak) means "to put something into the mouth," "to give to be tasted," as putting food into a nursing infant's mouth. It can also mean "to give elementary instruction," "to imbue," "to train," "to initiate." The Hebrew literally is, "Initiate a child in accordance with his way."

Which means that "the way" is actually unique to each child - a path specific to his or her character, abilities, temperament, etc.

As parents, we see from a young age what our children show an interest in, how they prefer to learn, how they thrive, etc.

For example, our oldest learns by observing and watching someone else do something new before he tries it. He takes information in, processes it and then puts into practice once he's ready. Our second son is almost 6 months old and he's the opposite: he is ready to jump into everything. His first instinct is to act.

In our Slavic culture, the parenting mentality is just to get the child to 18 or until they're married, and then they're on their own. Very few parents take steps to set their child up for success in their work or with finances. You're kind of left to figure it out on your own.

For first generation Americans, it's mostly because our parents immigrated to the U.S. with nothing, so their lack of knowledge of the language and how America works left them at a disadvantage for preparing their kids for adulthood.

Arguably, our parents made the ultimate investment in our success by moving us to the U.S. where they knew we could pursue an education and careers without fear of religious persecution, and thus opened up doors of opportunity for us that gave us a massive advantage over those who stayed in Ukraine.

But the rest was up to us kids. As the oldest sibling in my family and the first one to go to college, I learned about college applications on my own. Same with financial aid. Same with finding every job I've had. Same with credit cards, bank accounts, housing, investing, health insurance...everything about adulting.

My husband had older sisters who went to college before him, so they helped him on that front, but the rest he also had to figure out on his own.

So now here we are in a different position than our parents were and we believe that gives us an immense responsibility to set our kids up for future success. Here's how we're approaching this:

Praying for wisdom in our parenting and blessings over our kids

The number one way we shape our kids' futures is through prayer. God created our kids and He knows their stories and futures, so we pray for wisdom on how to raise our kids and what path to set each of them on. God can protect and direct our kids better than we can as parents, so praying His protection, guidance and blessing over them is the secret weapon to set our kids up for success.

Pointing our kids to Christ and the Gospel

First and foremost, we want our kids to find their identity in Christ - to define success and happiness by what God values, and not the world. Parenting by Paul David Tripp is a must read for every Christian parent on how to raise kids to love and live out the Gospel.

The Bible tasks us to pass on God’s word and His glorious deeds from generation to generation (Ps. 145:4, Ps. 78:4, Deut. 6:5-7) so that future generations can in turn teach others also (2 Tim. 2:2).

Prioritizing our own health, marriage and learning

As the saying goes, "more is caught than taught," so as parents, we have to make sure that we ourselves are learning, growing and thriving. Our kids are a product of the parents' words, actions, habits, lifestyle and systems. For us, this means making our marriage and spiritual, physical and emotional health a priority.

Planting our kids in an environment that is a positive influence and shares our values

We want to instill values like generosity, hard work, kindness, leadership, community, commitment, Biblical masculinity, curiosity, learning, perseverance, independence, self-discipline, service, honesty, respect, etc in our sons.

No. 83. Building a family legacy

As cliché as all those songs are about raising your boys country, we truly believe that raising our kids in the rural Midwest and on a homestead of our own will help us plant them in an environment that shares similar values. But we also don’t plan to raise them in a vacuum - they’ll be exposed to various views and beliefs as they mature.

Where you raise your kids is a major part of the path your kids will end up, which is why our goal as a couple has always been to move our kids out of a city subdivision life and move them to the countryside. We're only a few months into this move and we're already seeing the positive results!

Teaching our kids the knowledge and skills they'll need to thrive in this world

This ranges from homesteading skills (cleaning, cooking, gardening, hunting, fishing, etc) to personal finance, critical thinking, business acumen and communication skills.

Statistics show that 70% of the first generation to inherit their parent's wealth spends it and by the time their kids are adults, 90% of the grandparent's wealth is spent. According to Chris Heilmann, U.S. Trust’s chief fiduciary executive, “78% feel the next generation is not financially responsible enough to handle inheritance.”

We want to equip our kids with the knowledge, tools and skills they'll need to steward wisely anything they inherit from us - to grow and multiply it, not to spend it frivolously.

Equipping our kids with assets, tools, systems and opportunities

We want to build up a portfolio of assets, income streams, businesses, and systems that our kids can work on with us and eventually take over from us when they’re adults to grow into their own things according to their interests and strengths.

We also want to provide them with a network of peers with similar values, tools on how to handle emotions, habits that promote self-discipline and growth, systems for time management and financial growth, etc. Instead of merely handing them wealth, we want to equip them with what will make them successful for the rest of their lives.

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” -1 Timothy 5:8

Including our kids in everything we do

A lot of parents make the mistake of waiting to pass on the family business or their wealth to their kids until the parents retire or pass away, but by that time, the kids are usually in their 40s or 50s with their own grown kids and careers, so they rarely have interest or experience to take on a family business. So, the second generation will usually sell what the first generation built.

We would love for our kids to build on what we have, and to do that, we are bringing them into everything we do now. Our son is only two but after one harvest season at the seed house, he now practices "cleaning" seed because he's seen his dad do it and when he goes to the seed house every Saturday morning to work with dad, he has his own "work" to do that is appropriate for his age and interests (aka, fixing his bike with dad's tools or "mixing" leftover seed lol). We want our kids to run our family businesses alongside us, not after us.

Setting our kids on a career path that suits their individual strengths and interests

Although we want our kids to take over whatever family businesses and income streams we build, we want them to also find work that aligns with their God-given strengths, natural abilities and interests.

We're hoping our portfolio will be diverse enough that our kids can find what they like to do within our family ecosystem, but even if they don't, we want to use our family endeavors to teach our kids skills and give them opportunities to learn to do what they love and excel at so that they have a foundation to work off once they go on to pursue an education and/or career of their choosing.

Setting up legal protections and proactive estate planning

We're working to structure everything we own and do to be protected legally and passed down strategically (e.g., trusts, insurance, LLCs, etc).

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous.” -Proverbs 13:22

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The little things we do daily shape who our children will become and the path they’ll end up on.

For example, a recent National Institute of Health study on child brain development found that children who spent more than two hours a day looking at a screen got lower scores on thinking and language tests, and the brains of children who spend a lot of time on screens are different. For some kids, there is premature thinning of their cerebral cortex. 

Screen time is literally setting up kids to fail and stay poor 😏

And the wealthy, even those that run technology companies, know this and they’re keeping their kids away from screens. Tech executives and founders of companies like Google, Meta, Snapchat, Apple, etc, either raise their kids screen free or strictly limit screen time.

The wealthy want their children to play with blocks, spend time outside, and do extracurricular activities.

Private elite schools promise a back-to-nature, nearly screen-free education while nearby public schools promote 1:1 iPad programs. Wealthy kids are spending less time on screens, while poorer kids are spending more. As a result, how comfortable someone is with social interaction could start to show their social class and impact their earning potential.

🌟 This has created a surprising shift: human interaction is becoming a luxury good.

So, if you’re wanting to build generational wealth and an enduring family legacy, remember — it’s not only about money or assets.

It’s also how you raise your kids — the habits, skills and values you instill in them from the youngest age; how they spend their childhood and youth; the environment you plant them in; how you cultivate their character; and the tools, systems and resources you equip them with. All of this comes together to chart a path for your child.

But as any parent knows - no two children are alike, so even when we may have similar inputs, each one of our children will grow into their own individual, and as parents, we are called to train each of our children's on the path that yields best for him or her.

“Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land.” -Psalm‬ ‭25‬:‭12‬-‭13‬ ‭

How are you setting up your children for success?

Until next time,

YPS

Whenever you’re ready, here are four ways I can help you:

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