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Thank you for sharing this so openly and vulnerably. It's hard being a mom and having everyone coming to you all the time to get their needs met. One thing I do is keep earplugs in various rooms and when I feel myself getting overstimulated I put them in and instantly it calms me down. I can still hear my kids but it mutes the impact.

Also I 10000% agree about systems in the home! I write about this because domestic systems occupy so much of my brain....I think often we don't realize that if a problem keeps popping up it's because a system is needed. It doesn't have to be YOUR job to solve over and over...it needs a system and then everyone can help.

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I've never been a fan of ear plugs - I've tried them for tests but I end up being hyperaware they're in there and it's just distracting, but instead, I'm trying to be better about asking for an hour away from home regularly to just be on my own and recharge. It helps so much!

What are some of your best working systems? I'd love recommendations!

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Getting an hour out of the house is a great solution too — I love going to coffee shops as a break and time to connect with larger society/humanity. It was especially helpful when I had a rough postpartum period.

Some systems that help me manage overwhelm at home: putting shoes, hats, jackets away when we come home. Everyone is responsible for their own stuff, and each person has a designated spot for their things.

We also have a strict bedtime for both kids and routine around that which reduces negotiations/getting out of bed. Both kids are down within 30-40 mins (we take turns putting each kid down and do it simultaneously). Then I get 2-3 hours every night to unwind and do my own thing or have couple time with my husband.

Managing clutter is another big one, and ruthlessly doing daily decluttering plus periodic purges. I like getting a couple grocery bags (one for things that need to be put away, one for things to get rid of) and king through the house with my older son every couple of months. The fewer things there are the less there is to manage.

I could go on…I am such a fan of systems.

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Coffee shops are my go-to. I don’t know what it is, but it’s a favorite safe place for me. I wish I did it postpartum - I was so stressed about leaving the baby since he’d only sleep for me and I stayed in for months and honestly that probably wasn’t good for my mental health.

I totally agree on the early bedtime for kids! A lot of people give us a hard time that Levi goes to bed between 7-8 (some days even 6:30 if he skips a nap), but he needs it and we love having that time as a couple to unwind and sometimes honestly just eat dinner in peace lol

If you ever want to type up some more of these systems and share them in one of those newsletter issues, I’d love that! Doesn’t have to be anything fancy - bullet points work. I love hearing these insights from other women, but no pressure!

One of my favorite authors did as series on her life hacks and some of them are so good!

https://lauravanderkam.com/2023/05/a-few-more-little-hacks/

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Ooh I love that list -- thanks for linking! My 6.5 year old still goes to bed at 6:30pm. No shame in an early bedtime at ALL :)

I'll DM you on instagram (not sure there's a way to reach out privately on Substack) -- I'd love to do a list of system hacks.

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Okay so question for you then - how do y’all handle social engagements then? People at church and my family give us a hard time when we bail on anything after 7 pm, and it sucks to miss out but it’s worse to deal with an overtired baby who is then up all night.

Yay! So excited about this! My email is yelenasheremeta@gmail.com if email is easier!

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Ok great I'll email you! For posterity and anyone else reading I'll answer your question here about early bedtimes. There are a few ways we handle evening events that go past our kids' bedtime (we have a 1.5 and 6.5 year old, both with 6:30pm bedtime):

1. One of us will leave the event to put the kids down, the other stays

2. Sometimes we'll ask an elderly neighbor to come over and "monitor sit" after bedtime so we can go out to a later event -- our kids never wake up in the evening time so it's a pretty safe bet

3. We've worked hard to make friends with people who live on our block, so some of our socializing happens close to home, making it easy to pop home to put kids to bed and go back out

4. We're older parents (I know you think you're old, but we're REALLY old, 39 & 45) so we are also OK missing out on some socializing, knowing we had our chance when we were younger and we'll be able to again in the future.

I 100% agree that prioritizing baby's sleep is important. For me, sleep is the cornerstone of my mental and physical health so I don't make any compromises on that. Other people feel differently, and that's totally fine too -- lots of people don't seem to notice any negative effects of keeping kids up later and more power to them. For our family though, sleep comes first!

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