No. 79. November 2023 recap + thoughts on paid childcare
November 2023 photos and what I wrestle with working full time and childcare
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November was a beautiful and full month.
I took my first overnight work trip since Levi was born and flew to Houston for three days. Levi and his dad thrived on their own and I missed them fiercely.
We spent a lot of time outside enjoying the fall weather during the day and then cozying up at home in the evening (it is especially magical with the Christmas decor up!).
Friday night is usually pizza night at our house (my husband makes the most delicious Greek yogurt pizza!), we’ve been savoring our favorite ice cream which we decided to splurge and order recently, and I make oatmeal banana muffins often for all of us to snack on.
My current reads are this book on the theology of homemaking and this book on finding peace in motherhood. I’m also doing a study of the book of James.
Thanksgiving was spent with family and celebrating my grandmother’s 90th birthday in Missouri. Levi got to connect with cousins that are all around his age and it made my mama heart so happy to see those relationships develop.
And baby #2 is now as big as a spaghetti squash!
Something at the forefront of my mind right now is childcare. The woman who has been helping us with Levi lately is considering another opportunity, so we are once again re-evaluating how to proceed with childcare.
As a household with two parents working full-time corporate jobs, even with remote schedules, generous PTO and flexibility, one of the biggest sources of stress for me since becoming a mom has been childcare.
We don’t live near family (both of our families are a 7-8 hour drive away) and our local church is small and primarily elderly, retired members or people who work full-time so there really isn’t anyone to call for help babysitting. That means our only option for childcare is paid childcare.
I personally could not picture dropping Levi off at a daycare when he was only a few months old. Especially when he was nursing and would often only do contact naps those first few months. So, we prayed for someone to come to our home and take care of Levi while we worked.
So far, we’ve had a patchwork of temporary help - people from church, a college student on her summer break and other women in our community who needed work for a few weeks or months at a time.
Having someone come to our home is more expensive than daycare, and has required us to continually look for additional help as people came and went from our lives based on their life seasons, but we have been so incredibly blessed in return.
Levi has loved every single woman who has been in our home to care for him and each one influenced him in a unique way. We’ve also built relationships with each of these women and their families that have allowed us to expand our community beyond our little family unit.
I know the obvious thought: if childcare is so expensive, why don’t you quit working and stay home?
It’s a question my husband and I discuss and pray about often. But for now, I am blessed to make a lot more than what child care costs for us with one child, and my income is helping us save towards the bigger life goals we have for our family in the future.
Could we survive on one income? Sure. We’d be living paycheck to paycheck though and likely be stuck in a subdivision life with little to no savings, and that is not the life we want for our family long term.
For us, moving out into the country and raising our kids on a ranch and in a small town is important. We want to get there while our kids are still little, but we want to do it in a way that is financially responsible and without taking on unsustainable debt.
For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? -Luke 14:28
Which means that the season we’re in is a season of working, saving and building for the next season.
Because we want to build a family and a legacy that is rooted, unshakeable, sustainable, and continues to grow and multiply for generations.
He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. -Luke 6:48
I know what the homesteader Instagram reels say: don’t miss out on your children’s childhood working to “buy” them a better future. They need you more today than they need material things tomorrow.
It’s a valid point and something we’ve intentionally tried to work on in our own family in this season where we both work full time. For us, this looks like:
Paying the higher cost for in-home childcare and working remote jobs with flexible hours - this means we can take breaks and be there for our son if he needs us or we want to be with him throughout the day. We are generally all at home together (I did a day in the life post last year if you’re curious!).
Being present where our feet are - while we’re working and have childcare, we go all in and get things done for work, so that when we’re with Levi, we are fully present with him and focus on family time.
When childcare falls through, whichever one of us has the more free morning or afternoon will use PTO and hang out with Levi, giving us each quality one on one time.
We also take advantage of holidays and our PTO to take at least one week off each quarter to spend with our families in Missouri and be completely unplugged from work. We also rarely work weekends.
There’s this trend right now that has so many women, especially Christian women, dreaming about living a homestead life. To me, the underlying message in this trend is that you’re doing wrong by your kids if you’re working outside the home and “letting someone else raise your kids.”
This can lead to feeling like you should quit your job, buy land and chickens, and stay home with your kids to garden and make home cooked meals on a pretty stove and in fancy dresses.
As lovely as that image is (and I follow a few accounts on social media of women I admire living this lifestyle), like we talked about here, there are a few things we forget when we want to conform to this image:
Not everyone truly wants this lifestyle - country living is not for everyone, so build a life YOU love and that works for your family, even if it looks different than the trendy homestead life.
God has different assignments for each of us, and for some women, that includes paid work outside the home, whether that’s for a short season or more permanently. You can be a present and invested wife, mom, and do paid work - it may not always be easy, but it is possible, so don’t let an Instagram reel tell you otherwise.
A lifestyle like that costs money - not everyone can afford to buy acreage and/or live off one income. In fact, most homesteader accounts didn’t end up on a homestead until they were a few kids in and after a few years of working and saving and living in town. If a certain lifestyle is the goal your family has, it is okay if it takes a few years of work and sacrifice towards that dream.
Today’s economy makes it very difficult to live on one income for many families, especially if you don’t want to rely on welfare programs.
If you have vetted and trusted childcare for your children, that is a blessing, not a hindrance for your child and family. We have seen Levi thrive as he’s been cared for by various women in our home and community and they have added to his development in positive ways.
To everything there is a time and a season - sometimes, we see someone’s harvest while we’re still in the planting or tending season and think we need to be where they are even as our seeds have barely had time to grow. Know your season and your own plot of land that you’ve been entrusted to steward and multiply.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted . . . a time to break down, and a time to build up. - Ecclesiastes 3:1-3
The other day, I was journaling through what an ideal day would be like for me if money was no object, and it solidified a thought I felt guilty admitting: I am a better mom and wife if I have a chance to step away from “mom mode” and work for a few hours. I love my son, but I also love creating and working. Even if we didn’t need my income, I would still want to have time to write, work and create.
I want my sons to grow up knowing that too - that although family is important, it is not all about them. As children of God, we are called to work with our hands to provide for our families and to grow and steward what each one of has been given.
I say this often, but it is a core truth: you’ve got to do what’s best for YOUR family in the season you’re in. It is likely not going to align with what social media says or even what your siblings or friends are doing (or how your parents did things!), and that is okay.
You’re going to answer to God for how you tended to your assigned plot, not what your neighbor or influencer Sally is doing. Pray for wisdom to know how to build up your home and remain firm in that.
By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. - Proverbs 24:3-4
Whether you’re a working mama who relies on childcare or a full time stay at home mama (or somewhere in between), I hope you know that you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone or align with anyone else’s expectations as long you’ve prayerfully aligned it with what works best for your family.
Until next time,
YPS