Momfluencers & why is postpartum so hard?
Thoughts from seven weeks postpartum + what the Lord is teaching me right now
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This is going to be a random string of thoughts, but if you’ve ever been pregnant and though the postpartum season, then I know you know how it is with brain fog + sleep deprivation!
Weeks 5-8 are the hardest for me postpartum, even more than that first week. A baby’s fussiness usually peaks around weeks 6-8, so we’re right there in the midst of it: a maturing digestive system with constipation, spit up and gassiness and the witching hour(s) every evening (lots of tears for both of us!).
Luke’s decided sleeping in a wrap on me while I’m walking or standing is the best thing for him during the day (at least I’m getting steps in?!) and no matter how much of a nursing schedule I try during the day, nights are still rough and we’re up every 1-2 hours either nursing or trying to get those gas bubbles out.
This is an interesting point postpartum because you’re physically more healed, the newness of having an infant has faded, the meal trains have stopped, everyone else has moved on from asking how you’re doing, and the sleep deprivation has added up. So it feels like postpartum is over and it’s time to move on.
I’ve been itching to go back to “normal” life - to wear my non-pregnancy clothes, to have the time and strength to work out, to clean and organize, to work, to create (I find myself feeling really creative postpartum - last time, I wrote my career course while on maternity leave and this time, I’m writing - imperfectly on my iPhone! - a course preparing young women for marriage), to have rhythms and routines again, to get out of the roommate phase and back to feeling like a couple again…
But I can’t. Not fully.
Some moms are able to have nap times free while baby naps in a crib or stroller or snuggle me, but that’s not happening for us. Other moms get stuff done with baby in a baby wrap but that’s also touch and go for us (side note: I don’t know if my arms are not long enough & my torso too short but washing dishes with a baby in a wrap? Not happening for us here 😏).
Luke won’t go to anyone else for longer than five minutes and Levi needs me extra hard the minute I start nursing Luke. Newborns also don’t have schedules and last time, it took me over a year to lose half the pregnancy weight and I still didn’t fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes when I got pregnant again.
I share all this not to complain or seek advice (please no unsolicited advice - my mental load & anxiety cannot take extra advice / opinions right now!), but in case it helps any other postpartum mom out there feel less alone.
I recently read this essay in Elle about how one woman’s view of parenthood was influenced by Instagram moms and it’s been on my mind.
You generally have two types of mom content online: the moms who show only the hard parts about being a mom and see motherhood as a loss, and then there’s the opposite end of the spectrum with homesteading, homeschooling moms that paint this beautiful picture of motherhood that is practically perfect and appears to be completely effortless. Few momfluencers are able to capture both authentically tho: the hard and the beautiful. It’s like your brand has to be one or the other.
Since so much of my ministry and passion is encouraging unmarried women, even as a mom, I can’t help but think about how momfluencers (and moms in real life) portray motherhood and the way it shapes future moms.
Because to be honest, the negative mom content often made me feel as a single woman like I didn’t want to be a mom. Once I became a mom, the perfectly put together mom content made me feel more insecure than inspired.
But is it up to momfluencers to define and shape our views of motherhood?
Momfluencers are showing their reality or highlight reel. They’re building brands and creating content to amplify their branding. Even those who post daily, don’t truly show it all, just what they want you to see and what aligns with their brand.
Finish reading this essay in this collection of essays on faith and motherhood for the first time mom.
Yelena, I always enjoy your writing and perspective on motherhood. I just read a newsletter about liberating motherhood from the patriarchy. It felt like the mother influencers who scream about the hardships of motherhood and allows zero room for the beauty.
But the heartbreaking part for me were the women in the comments. They are hurting and feeling unseen. What if we could still have space for women in hardship but offer a balanced look, as you did wonderfully in the piece. I’m always thankful for you!
This was so good! I am almost 4 weeks postpartum and much of this resonated. Saving it to return to ❤️